An open letter to whiskey

​I’m a grateful person… always have been, always will be. There are a great number of people I could thank, those of which I will show my appreciation when I feel the time is right, but in this instance… I want to give a shout out to you. If I’m going to be completely honest, I began drinking before I was 21. I did however wait until college when I was old enough to feel like I was grown and old enough to make my own decisions but young enough to fuck up and still run to mom should anything go down. I do NOT condone nor do I encourage the young people in the US to do as I did. Underage drinking is both irresponsible and illegal in the US and we all know this. Not to mention it stresses out their parents and it could really mess up their lives in the long run. Didn’t happen to me, I have however seen some people head down a very dark path. But I digress, everybody reading along in the other countries that don’t have a strict drinking age and everybody 21 and up in the US… this is for you. 

I like to believe I’ve mastered this thing we like to call drinking. I’ve held business conversations with life changers, gotten caught up in the feels with some celebrities who shall remain nameless, and even gotten friends out of trouble with the police. How? I have no idea but these nights I owe to either my buddy Jameson or my good friend Jack. Pretty sure you know them because well… they’re you. 

Vodka is that guy I see at Bootsy Bellows or 1Oak that I only know in that setting and I’m not quite sure if they exist in daylight, but they always manage to get me hammered to the point of no return. Possibly sick. Front runner for why I’m walk of shaming it the next morning after waking up in a bush or alley/ why I’ll be working extra hours at my job to offset the small fortune I spent on enough alcohol to get a small village smashed. Vodka is the most accessible & the primary suspect in 79% of alcohol related blackouts. This is not a verifiable statistic. 

Tequila is the hot girl/guy that only comes out on occasion. The one I never knew I wanted but now that they’re there I scan the bar for limes and accept the inevitable: I’m definitely hooking up with someone. Tequila makes everything sexy for some reason. Double edged sword that hussy and a primary suspect in 86% of drunken hook ups and oceans of tears. EVERYONE! IF YOU’RE DRINKING TEQUILA IN THE CLUB---- HE/SHE DOESN’T LOVE YOU! ABORT MISSION!

Whiskey? Man. If I’m gunna destroy my liver, I’d for sure want to do it feeling all warm and cozy. Sophisticated even. Other than the physical deterioration of my body, you can do no wrong. Of all the versions of Drunk Joe, this version is by far the best. Super social. Super happy. Does NOT allow drama. Is amazing with advice. With what I do as a socialite/ with events, I find myself consuming alcohol pretty often and with whiskey I’m really able to enjoy myself. I never have to worry about making compromised decisions or saying things that I mean but probably shouldn’t articulate. A lot of the best times I’ve had out with amazing people, being spontaneous & reckless but also creating some amazing memories have been with you… and to me that’s pretty dope when I think about it. I don’t need to drink to have a good time, I don’t have an addictive personality to anything other than pizza but I will say that when I’m at work hosting clients, creating the atmosphere, or simply kicking it with friends at my table, I have fun while consuming your majesticness.
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So here’s to you old friend! To the Old Fashioned, Jack & Coke or the ever so delicious Jameson Ginger… I salute you. May you never turn on me as vodka and tequila have time and time again. 

DRINK RESPONSIBLY.